Yesterday, I drove off the car lot in my brand spanking new and expensive Porsche. Today, I am madly on the phone with my insurance people because some jerk in a cheap and old BMW rear-ended my daughter and me while I was taking her to school. To make this even worse for this guy, he was texting with one hand and messing with the radio dials with the other. I am not going to feel sorry for him for spilling his burning hot coffee, which was unsafely placed between his legs, all over himself because he upset my daughter. Besides, texting while driving is against the law now anyway. So, he should get the book thrown at him. I always picture someone having a literal book being thrown at them, not a phone book or a dictionary because they don’t make those anymore, but something more like a hardback version of whatever the longest Game of Thrones book is.
I should have known to avoid this guy as soon as I noticed that he was driving a BMW because BMW drivers are always either out-of-control crazy drivers or slower than Christmas drivers. And, this guy was the former. But, that’s beside the point. This is not about what I could have, should have done. This is about what he did.
Portia, which is my name for my Porsche, was stopped at a red light, not far from my daughter’s school. She was telling me how this boy was being so mean to her, always teasing her and what not. Before I could tell her that this boy was probably doing this to my daughter because he likes her, we were suddenly launched forward and then propelled backward again by the miracle invention of seatbelts.
My eight-year-old daughter has never experienced anything like this before. So, naturally, she started to cry, as I flipped the BMW driver the bird and pulled off to the side of the road.
I discerned that my daughter had a headache and her stomach and arms hurt from the airbags. Mine did too. But, because I’m supposed to be the parent here, I don’t get to cry yet.
This BMW driver, upon first meeting him, looked like one of those guys who causes an accident and then immediately tries to drive away before information can be properly exchanged.
However, after we exchanged information, it turns out this was my daughter’s bully’s father. And, he, like I now believe his whole family to be, is a bunch of bullies. He even actually almost admitted to joking about hitting my car with his son. And then, he says he didn’t mean to, but he just did it. I can’t believe it. This is one of the moments that I wish I had a time machine to go back and record what he said with my cellphone tape recorder, like in one of those cop shows that are always playing on television.
So, we will be suing, in accordance with the information we found on this website, the manufacturer of Portia’s airbags because my daughter has a broken arm now, which she actually doesn’t mind because it means that she gets to skip school for the day. So, almost everyone wins, except the jerk who hit my car and the manufacturer of the air bags.Read More